tears / 3:21 PM

i feel so tired, this shows the state of my mind.
empty.
i cant keep it in me any longer. i have to write it out. the hurt is ineffable. I dont know how i'll be able to go through school without you tomorrow. your good morning messages never fail to brighten even my most gloomy day. i dont know how i'll ever make it to school on time. you'll always rush me out of house every morning, to prevent me from being late for school. i am over depended on you. you were always there to listen to all my woes and whines. you were there when i received my olevel results and got all nervous before that, when i did badly for my math test, when i kept grumbling when i had to do extra pe, when i felt super fatigue after tons of gym and training sessions. you were always there to cheer me on, to encourage me, always reminding me that you will always be there. your calls at night to ask me how my day was, showed me how much you cared. whenever im feeling down, you'll always call and cheer me up. i could tell you everything under the sun, even my deepest feelings. Even though you are busy with school work, trainings and racing, you were always there for me. i once promised i'll never leave you. im sorry for breaking that promise. i dont want to, but i dont have a choice. i feel all screwed up inside, i never knew one could be this hurt. you are not a christian. my parents will not approve of you, my religion doesnt either. I knew i had to make a decision, to obey God and leave you or to disobey him and continue it with you. i'll never want to leave you but i dont want to disobey God. Letting go really hurts this time. i cant seem to do anything right today, everything seems to reminds me of you. i'll always treasure the times we spent together, it'll forever be memories i hold so dear. i usually appear strong and stuff. i am at my lowest, my most vulnerable. I probably cried buckets of tears. im sorry for all the times ive hurt you, i'll make it up to you if i could. i dont think i'll be able to sleep tonight. i miss you so much, too much.

write about yourself here like how you lived through a crisis like the morrocian crisis. erps, have you studied about that before and about your test, how easy it is and how much confidence you have to pass and get all A1s for all subjects, add in your own wish here, and what you would do if target is not reached, like slash your wrist, eat many many painkiller pills at one shot and die. lol it's suicidal thoughts. stay away from that. but you need to enter a reality, everyone's doing that- it's the trend, so why not follow it. unless you want to be an odd one out. cause slashing wrist is soo common in girls school not in boys school. boys suicide, just like die gracefully from 30th storey, just look on the bright side, maybe you have lived in a lie too long and so you have found out the turth now, just think. optimist wins. you have entered into a world of reality



We know life's hard, truth is hard, lies are hard, they are all hard to accept when they have been found out, and i'm rushing history homework on the Abyissian Crisis about Italy and Abyssia going into war and that the League Of Nations cannot stop this from happening, and beacuse they are formed by means to stop war and peace-keep the countries together, they have thus failed to achieve that. I think i tend to hold a class for history instead of telling you about me, i'm basically a what subject-realted lover (humanities) and thus I am more analytical and critical about things, and likes to study about dead people, haha. lol. it's history what can you expect and also geography, it amazes me. I really like it alot, so what have you? Again to find this answer you need to enter into your own reality and reflect




it's amazing. amzing how people change the way of things, like how I used to hate outdoors in Band felt it was a complete waste of time, i've acquired to like it more, i guess people change, their thereotical means and applications in life just goes on into a new direction, and see things in another perspective, i guess- it's all in the mind. It really amazes me how these comes into action, from someone so pessimistic has changed his own view of things, and thus my friend is scoring much better, being more optimisitc and not think of his old way of suicidal thoughts, which are pretty daunting. and thus we need to see things, in another light, another perspective and another new way, to enable us to open up our minds, and make more new things, the new way it is. done with the old back with the new

i've hiatus-ed.

tears / 3:21 PM

i feel so tired, this shows the state of my mind.
empty.
i cant keep it in me any longer. i have to write it out. the hurt is ineffable. I dont know how i'll be able to go through school without you tomorrow. your good morning messages never fail to brighten even my most gloomy day. i dont know how i'll ever make it to school on time. you'll always rush me out of house every morning, to prevent me from being late for school. i am over depended on you. you were always there to listen to all my woes and whines. you were there when i received my olevel results and got all nervous before that, when i did badly for my math test, when i kept grumbling when i had to do extra pe, when i felt super fatigue after tons of gym and training sessions. you were always there to cheer me on, to encourage me, always reminding me that you will always be there. your calls at night to ask me how my day was, showed me how much you cared. whenever im feeling down, you'll always call and cheer me up. i could tell you everything under the sun, even my deepest feelings. Even though you are busy with school work, trainings and racing, you were always there for me. i once promised i'll never leave you. im sorry for breaking that promise. i dont want to, but i dont have a choice. i feel all screwed up inside, i never knew one could be this hurt. you are not a christian. my parents will not approve of you, my religion doesnt either. I knew i had to make a decision, to obey God and leave you or to disobey him and continue it with you. i'll never want to leave you but i dont want to disobey God. Letting go really hurts this time. i cant seem to do anything right today, everything seems to reminds me of you. i'll always treasure the times we spent together, it'll forever be memories i hold so dear. i usually appear strong and stuff. i am at my lowest, my most vulnerable. I probably cried buckets of tears. im sorry for all the times ive hurt you, i'll make it up to you if i could. i dont think i'll be able to sleep tonight. i miss you so much, too much.